The most confusing part of my year is when my worlds collide. After I've spent so much time abroad, holding loosely to my own traditions and being flexible with those around me, I return to Nashville, Tennessee, and hit reverse culture shock. During my time away I've changed. People around me don't necessarily notice it right away and I myself don't know what subtle changes have taken place. Often it's years later that I can see the full impact that international experiences have had on my life.
In the meantime I'm left a bit dumb and mute. I have heart tremors that mix the deep desires to share my stories knowing full well that most people I talk to will never be able to relate. I'll watch a child in the States refuse to eat the many many things placed graciously before them by their over-accommodating parents while having flashbacks of malnourished, barely alive children in the slums of India. How do I cope with this?
Somewhere I linger in limbo my first few weeks of being home. The over-abundance of the USA slowly creeps back into my vein and again I feel fat, dumb, and happy. So many elements of our comfortable, convenient lifestyles threaten to make all those challenging moments I've had in dirty, impoverished areas of our earth disappear. For a while I hang between the two worlds seeing both of them clearly and not sure how they can actually co-exist. I try with desperation, not knowing what words to use, to stretch my arms between these extremes and somehow make them connect. How can I shake these first and third world nations to enter into relationships and enrich one another with their beautiful forms of wealth and resources? Their is an amazing exchange that can take place here. HOW to go about it is my current life question.
