The Glamorous Facebook Life

Over the past few months I’ve noticed something about Facebook and other social media: It all looks so good. There are times where my friends post photos of a couple or a bunch of them getting together in some exotic location and it used to ping my heart with a bit of jealousy. For a few short moments I’d feel like I was missing out and wish my face could have been in the photo sharing special times with those close friends.

The things we post online are the ‘best of’ in life. Most people post the high moments, the fun times, the unusual experiences, and the epic events. The smiles and styles of the images declare, “I’m having a great time and my life has value!”

If we looked into a Facebook friend’s page and thought that really reflected their life, we’d be fooling ourselves bigtime. I know most of us know this in our heads, but our hearts so often react - “Oh man, I’ve never been to that amazing place” or “Why am I stuck here and they are having so much fun there” ... etc. When reality is, they may have just had an argument with their spouse or days earlier been crying battling depression or struggling to pay the bills. The photos of those events will never be posted. Of course we all hope that they don’t have many negative or ongoing events like that, but it happens. That’s part of life too. And to be honest, the hard times often make the good times even more valuable.

There are also no photos of the mundane. The daily routine of driving the kids to school or brushing teeth or watching TV. The common does not make for many “Likes” on a Facebook page. And yet, so much of our lives are spent in the average things no matter where you live on the planet.

Confession: During the last 7 years of traveling around the world after we would finish graduating this amazing school in Israel, I’d find myself a few days later fallen into a dark hole online. I called it ‘catching up with friends’ as I browsed many FB pages and tried to get a glimpse into their lives as I’d been very much out of contact with the rest of the world for a while. I would click away at photos and pages and consume the fluffy image people projected online. And... eventually... feel awful. The subconscious would hiss, “Look at them! Look at all they’ve been doing with their lives that you are missing out on by what you are doing with yours. Look how much more beautiful and perfect their lives are than yours! You’ve been wasting your time with these other things! You should be comfortable back in your country getting married and having cute babies.” I’d try to comfort myself thinking that, well, I bet they are looking right back at my photos and a bit jealous of my life. But generally I’d fight waves feeling worthless or depressed for a few days. (Not to mention there were all sorts of other extreme emotions going on at that time of year for me!) Even though I knew this was an illusion, it still greatly affected my inner emotions. I’d ache for the supposed greener pasture on the other side of the fence.

So I wonder, how many others go through this too?

How deeply do these social media streams affect people with no self-worth or sense of identity?

Through the last year my heart has been going through a lot of changes. My core identity has been on a deep restoration track. And I think that’s affected how I look at the stream of photos and updates coming through the web. Lately when I see my friends and family together having epic adventures without me, I’m not jealous. There’s a genuine joy I feel for them in their moment while also being completely content with where I am. I know we all know to be this way in our heads, but actually it’s where my heart is dwelling now. I don’t have to try to talk myself in to the truth that I have value, am deeply loved, and am living an epic adventure that can’t be compared to any other. I know this truth in the depths of my being.

What if photos people post could simply inspire? Instead of looking at so-and-so’s fun photos with envy, I decided to go out and have my own fun. Could we replace jealousy and envy with inspiration and genuine celebrating one another? So my friend just posted photos of this amazing place I’ve never been to: do I wallow in jealousy or start seriously looking at how I could go and see that place? Maybe others photos could help us conclude: I will love others more deeply. I’ll go live my own adventure. The dreams of my heart have value and must be pursued!

True Wealth

What is your life measured by? What do you equate success to?

No seriously think about it. 

How do you measure wealth? True wealth? Is it by money? Happiness? The amount of lives you’ve seen changed? The degree to which you abide in God’s presence? How many children you have? The success of your children? How financially secure your future seems to be? 

I’ve realized I’ve seen myself as poor through these years in missions. I certainly started this journey with the stereotype that to be in missions means to be poor. In my childhood home it was said ‘whatever you do, don’t marry a pastor or a missionary because you’ll be poor’. So as I embarked on this journey to simply follow Jesus more closely (which led toward ‘missions’), I also took on this perception of myself as poor and needy. 

I just realized something a few minutes ago. It’s been brewing for a while now. I’m rich. I’m freakin rich. I experience true wealth all the time! Deeply knowing I’m loved by our Father God all the time no matter what I do is my greatest inheritance. The degree to which I see my dreams coming true and experience fantastic adventures all the time gives a real sense of happiness wealth. I’ve seen many countries, grown deep relationships, loved fiercely, and annually chosen to take a life direction of ‘living by faith’. It could also be called ‘living by ridiculous trust in God for every single thing’. My sense of self-worth does not change when I am stopping to play with a kid who lives on the street or having dinner with millionaires. My worth is no longer tied in my external stuff – what I wear or drive or where I live. 

For some time now I’ve hidden these truths I’m discovering under the blanket of ‘missionaries are poor’. Because I’ve worried that other Christians would be jealous, I haven’t displayed the fullness of what God’s been up to in my life. It’s like I’ve found a huge ravine of diamonds that is on the land I inherited and I’m afraid that others will react with envy and condemnation for finding it. 

Well – OH WELL! It’s time to throw off the false shroud of poverty! I’m freakin rich! I’ve come to know true wealth and it’s blowing my mind! Even though they always said in church that Jesus is your ‘all in all’, I LIVE it and KNOW it! I have years of experience and many many stories to prove it’s true. But I had to get out there – away from the safe, predictable harbor (in my case, suburban America) and test it out. Is Jesus REALLY everything He claimed to be? Is God GOOD like we chant in youth group, really? I’ve discovered that I’m not content to just believe what others say because I think they know more about something. I’ve gotta experience it. KNOW it in the core of my being. And now I KNOW that Jesus is the WAY, the TRUTH and my LIFE. 

My 2¢ on Travel Packing

Since I've been traveling for a while (from age 6 weeks onward, round the world 5 times, 36 nations) I've formed a few opinions on what works best for traveling. Mainly, I'm involved with missions training schools, so the travel I do requires flexibility. This entry could also be considered the travel gear I'd recommend for the around the world DTS.

First I'll give you my money-is-no-option favorites for traveling...

Luggage:
You need one basic bag, I prefer a backpacking pack. The only question people are starting to ask is, with wheels or without?

Here's my current bag - the Osprey Meridian 22". I've used this one for a year now and think it was well-worth the investment. Since I travel as much as I do, it's been much less effort than having to strap all my belongings to my back every time I have to relocate. I like how this has a detachable backpack as well. The drawback would be if you're having to hike a ways with this on your back, it is heavier than most traditional packs.

Another great option - Ospray Farpoint 70... or any similar backpack.

If you are pretty adventurous and plan to some outdoor backpacking, then be sure to get one of these traditional packs. I used one of these for 4 trips around the planet and it was great. Of these I recommend one that's not top-loading and has access from the sides.

Carry-on bag:
A small backpack or messenger bag is good for this. I like the messenger bag as it's easy to access and in countries with higher security, I find it's easier to wear on the front than a backpack.

Within the carry-on, for longer flights (8-hours +) I have a little package in there with earplugs, inflatable neck pillow, eye blind, facewash, lotion, toothbrush/toothpaste, sleeping pills and lip balm. The trick to sleeping on long flights is to get ready for bed like you normally would and make yourself as comfortable as possible. You may want to even throw some deodorant in there as most human beings seem to come off 15-hour flights smelling like death warmed over. Oh, and don't forget the breath mints!

For packing clothes:
Packing cubes are the way to go! I've tried other options, but this is my favorite. Roll your clothes and put them in the cube to save on space.

For clothing a good rule of thumb is to pack for 7 days regardless of how long you'll be gone (yes, that includes months!). I usually pack 3 pairs of pants, 2 skirts, 1 pair of shorts, 5-8 tops, a lightweight jacket and a bathing suit. I make sure to have an outfit that could be worn for dirty work as well as one for more formal settings. Since I live in community ( I pack for the season I'll spend the most time in. If I'll mainly be in warm weather, I might not even pack shoes! Too often I've carried around a pair of "just in case" footwear that I never wore.

It's generally good to pack solid colors of clothing as it gives more options to mix and match. For the ladies, you can always dress up an outfit with nice jewelery or a scarf. If you want to go for the "I'm a tourist!" look then be sure to bring your bright patterns.

Toiletry kit:
Bring small bottles of everything you need. You can always buy soap/shampoo in other countries! Keep it nice and organized in one location together.
For those that don't know what goes in the toiletry kit: toothbrush/toothpaste, floss, band-aids, nail file, lotion, mouthwash, tweezers, nail clippers, make-up (ladies!), soap/shampoo, deodorant, and facewash.

Other items:
I do bring a hair dryer, a quick-dry towel, a multiple-function pocket knife, an adapter or two (that's my favorite one), and a coffee sock.
A favorite item: a sarong. It functions as a beach towel, a skirt, a blanket, a bathrobe, a picnic blanket and so on!
An item I dream about having is a Baby Taylor guitar. It's the ultimate travel guitar!

Electronics:
Apple. Apple Apple Apple. Great computers great gagets. Go for it! I've traveled with a MacBook for years now, and it's still going pretty strong. The new iPad is super cool, but I don't have a lot of experience with it. Everyone I know who has one loves it. Recently, by the grace of God, I was given an iPhone. I thought it was totally over-rated and silly trendy until I started using it. This thing is helping me so much with organization. I have the Bible in there. It even works with Skype (which you certainly want to sign up on if you're traveling for more than a month). It doesn't yet make my coffee, but I'm sure the next version will.

For a camera I've come to love Canon. Besides good quality shots, I've filmed lots of video on my little point & shoot camera. For almost SLR quality and control while also being a compact model, I recommend the Canon G12. I don't own it, but I sure think it's a great camera! (Remember this is my money-is-no-object list!) I do recommend purchasing an extra battery and memory card to have on hand. You don't want to be caught with a dead battery right in the middle of some memorable moment!


Don't worry about 'forgetting something'. You can almost always find a similar item to the one you miss in the new country! Sometimes I actually under-pack so that I will have opportunity to buy an inexpensive new item of clothing. It's part of the adventure! If you wanted life to remain predictable and controlled, you probably would have stayed at home in the first place.

More tips on packing from someone with much more experience than me. Sign up for his blog - it's great!

Here are some essentials to remember for stress free travel.

I must conclude with saying, you don't need as much as you think you do. (And generally speaking I'd like to re-emphasize this to the Americans out there!) Annually I learn this lesson as I've been a chronic over-packer. The year I learned the most about packing was when my backpack was stolen in Argentina. The full story is here. Truly, you can get by with packing up your dad's old backpack from college, putting your stuff into shopping bags (you can always find more!), and using internet cafes along the way. For 3 years I traveled around the world without a cell phone and I didn't miss it! More than likely you don't have to go out and buy new things for your big trip - ask around to friends and family and see what's available.

If you have any more specific questions, please message or email me! If you have any tips I need to know about - please pass them on. I've learned there is always more to know on this subject!

Flower Girls

It's peonies season here in New Zealand. My local farmer friends in Oxford have been clipping and packing these away to be sold internationally for as much as $10 per flower. Now that the season is drawing to a close, many flowers are still on the bush, but won't be shipped or used, so I've been allowed to help myself for free!

I've also been asking the Lord for some creative ways to reach out to people in Christchurch. Sharing with others about my faith doesn't just happen when I'm leading a Christian group, it should be a lifestyle.

Two nights ago I had a dream that woke me up at 4:30 in the morning. I had the idea to clip some of these flowers and give them out to people in downtown Christchurch. Unlike so many good, God-inspired ideas I have, I decided to act on this one.

Friday afternoon Kayla, Anna and I went flower picking in the warm summer sun. We went downtown to the main square with our buckets labeled "Free". Attached to some of the stems of flowers we put little notes with Bible verses like, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”
(Jeremiah 29:11&12).

I didn't have much of an plan of what to say. The girls and I prayed before we started. The main goal: That people would encounter God's love. We would hand out the flower and tell the person that this is a reminder of how very much God loves them. "He loves you because he loves you because he loves you!" Most couldn't believe we were giving these peonies out for free.


One random young guy came and parked himself right next to me. He didn't want a flower, but he was quick to announce, "God is a D.J." He seemed a bit dark, maybe dealing with depression or something. As he watched people come and receive these beautiful flowers to represent God's love, you could see the wheels turning in his head. He said, "I'm confused. You're not like those Christians that come door to door trying to cram the Bible down my throat. I don't like how that feels." I asked him, "So what does this feel like?" He thought and said, "It feels like... love."

A teenage girl dressed in black with her head hung low walked with steady pace along the sidewalk near me. I called out, "Would you like a flower?" Her face lit up as she slowly approached. "Here you go - pick out whatever one you want. This is to represent how very much God loves you!" Grinning, she took the flower and then open her arms to me. I gave her a big hug and her whole countenance changed. It was beautiful! She took off before we could chat more, but you could see this little physical act of grace impacted her.

Kayla and Anna had sweet encounters as well. Christchurch square was filled with people grinning with flowers in hand. I pray that each person who received a flower also received a glimpse into God's heart for them.

He's so cool!

Lately I hear myself exclaiming little blurbs about God like: He's so cool! He's way better than I thought. I can't believe how FUN life can be following Jesus!

The revelation of His goodness is sinking in deeper in my life. So much so, it's like talking about a friend I just love to be around. And I keep discovering how it all stems out of my relationship with Him.

As I get to know Jesus more, I'm amazed about his love for me. His thoughts and words toward me are soooo affirming. His confidence in me is amazing! God's like the most proud dad before I even start trying to accomplish something. These revelations are changing my life.

Recently I've talked a lot to friends and family about my last year serving around the world in missions and I just remembered one of the keys I've forgotten to share. Through this past season I've been learning that when my truest identity is realized in Christ, everything seems possible. Instead of feeling fear or doubt as I face this or that event, I can tap into confidence and peace. I am hidden in Christ - that means I have access to unlimited resources of heaven. Wild! More and more I've been choosing to align how I see myself with who God says I am and it's awesome. Instead of worry, I seek God's perspective and discover such peace.

This change is affecting everything in the best way. As I step out to lead missions teams, I find I'm not as fearful of things going wrong or all the 'what if...'s. When people don't respond the way I would like them to or the day doesn't go as planned, I'm far less bothered by it. Before this, so much of my confidence was wrapped up in people's reactions or encouragement or lack thereof. But now I'm moving forward in more peace, grace, and joy than I ever had before regardless of the changing situations around me.

I like what Graham Cooke says, "Learn to walk in God's perception of who you are, because yours is not good enough."

Donations?

I recently discovered that I can add a "Donations" button to this blog! Since what I do in missions is 100% support raised, this may be a great resource for anyone who would like to donate online by credit card.

Your generosity goes toward supporting me in training and equipping young people for missions and beyond. Our discipleship training school is an awesome tool God's using to bless and transform lives for his Kingdom and nations around the world.

For more information about this school, please check out YWAM Oxford

Thank you SO MUCH to those generous ones who decide to partner with me in missions!

"Since I have my life before me..."

I read something today that choked me up a bit in a book called Crazy Love. It was found in the writing of a young girl who put words to the feelings I have burning in my heart - the thoughts that seem foolish, but resonate as true. This teenager would spend her baby-sitting money on Bibles that she passed out to all of her unsaved friends. She wrote this essay when she was 12 years old…

“SINCE I HAVE MY LIFE BEFORE ME”
by Brooke Bronkowski

I’ll live my life to the fullest. I’ll be happy. I’ll brighten up. I will be more joyful than I have ever been. I will be kind to others. I will loosen up. I will tell others about Christ. I will go on adventures and change the world. I will be bold and not change who I really am. I will have no troubles but instead help others with their troubles.
You see, I’ll be one of those people who live to be history makers at a young age. Oh, I’ll have moments, good and bad, but I will wipe away the bad and only remember the good. In fact that’s all I remember, just good moments, nothing in between, just living my life to the fullest. I’ll be one of those people who go somewhere with a mission, an awesome plan, a world-changing plan, and nothing will hold me back. I’ll set an example for others, I will pray for direction.
I have my life before me. I will give others the joy I have and God will give me more joy. I will do everything God tells me to do. I will follow the footsteps of God. I will do my best!!!

-----------------------

Three years after writing this, she was killed in a car accident. Around 200 people committed their lives to Jesus at her funeral.

Will you be a history maker?

Standing by for Flight 895

I type to you from 34,841 feet above the earth’s surface. I think I’m somewhere near the North Pole. Most of the time I keep myself so busy that I don’t enjoy simply writing. Since I’m not going anywhere for 15 hours I will take the time to share a few moments of my Thanksgiving Day with you.

Have you ever flown stand-by before? It can be a grewling process. Hoping, praying that somehow you’ll get a seat on the flight you so desperately want to get on. You and a small crowd of people stand by the gate agent desk after every paying passenger is on board. Everyone waits for the deep sigh of relief that is the call of your name signifying that they have printed you a ticket. Knowing today’s flight from Chicago to Hong Kong was going to be a long one, I was putting all my positive thoughts toward getting a seat in First Class. Unlike most of my flights throughout the year, this had an actual possibility of happening. First class. Yes PLEASE. So in the days preceding this flight I’d send up little prayers of “Lord, please give me a flight in First!?” And since I’m wanting to hear God’s voice more on, well, every subject, I was attempting to listen.

During the hours before the flight, I felt like the slightest whisper from God was, “You’re not getting first class today.” What?! Must be hearing God wrong. He didn’t just say that? Nah. This is one of the few or only possibilities I will have for an amazing seat in First Class! “Please please please will you give me a seat in first?” Silence… with a grin. Do you ever feel that – God’s just grinning at you not saying a thing like an all-knowing dad? I tried to quench my whine of a prayer and tell Him how I’ll sit wherever he wants me to. Grimicing I thought, “So Lord, where will I be sitting?” He’s says, “Now how am I supposed to surprise you if I keep telling you before it happens? Sometimes I just want to leave it till the last second. Be patient.” Ooookay. He’s always good to me. I have no need to worry. But I still was caught holding my breath a bit. Finally, the call came over the speaker, “Passenger Melilli!” Awesome – I’m on! … but where? I ran over to the desk to gratefully collect my ticket. 7H. What does 7H mean? Seems like the front, but dare I get my hopes up? Wheeling my bags down the line to get on board, I decided to just get in the coach class line and handed the gate agent my ticket. He smiled and said, “I think you’ll be closer to your seat going through this door.” And ushered me through the other line door – the red carpet one!

As I practically skipped down the jetway, I was still a bit puzzled. I had thought business class was overbooked. Turns out it wasn’t! As soon as I sat down a flight attendant breezed by offering a tray filled with glasses of champagne or orange juice. I helped myself and tried hide my shear elation at the total comfort around me. God was right (as always), I wasn’t in First Class, but I was sure well taken care of. Thank you so much, Father God!

Walking by Faith

Now that the DTS is over and I have some time to travel around and see friends, I've been asking the question of myself, "How do I remain consistent in this life of following Jesus in all seasons?" Through this past weekend I've learned a lot about how to do this.

Recently I was debating going to this conference called Jesus Culture. "The conference is based on three principles: Encounter, Equip, Send. Our heart is to see a generation Encounter the presence of God and his radical love for them." - taken from their website. So I've had it on my heart to go. The ways I was sensing God telling me to go were just barely in the form of a whisper. Looking at my finances and how exhausted I was from travel it did not look like a good idea at all. I had been seeking to be more obedient to God's voice, so I decided to go in faith, trusting God to work out the details.

I arrived in Leicester with hours to kill before the registration for the conference opened up. After an hour at a coffee shop, I decided to go check out the venue. When I entered, bypassing the signs that read "Do not come in before 5PM!", I met a girl running around getting things in order. I explained that I had no where to be as I didn't have a place to stay and would be more than happy to help out in any way I could. She started to suggest different hotels, which I had looked into and knew were too expensive. I told her how I felt like God was going to provide something and asked her name. "Faith", she said. Oh yes! - I just met FAITH and felt like that was God just encouraging me that I didn't need to worry about it.

Since they didn't need any help, I set off in search of a park bench to read. Walking along I prayed silently... Abba, I know you're going to work something out for a place for me to stay tonight. Could it be with some lovely people in their home? and could I please have a bed and a room to myself? That would be really nice. I grinned to myself wondering what could happen.

When I returned a few hours later, I registered for the conference with a lovely girl named Sarah. While I was storing my backpack, she came up to me and asked if I would like to stay in their spare bedroom. (!) We hadn't talked more than a couple of minutes and she was opening her home to me. Thank you Lord! I later found out that normally she and her husband, Davy, would have taken in someone from the conference, but this year they didn't yet offer the room. God was saving a place for me!

The conference got off to a great start with every young person engaging in worship. There were probably around 400 young people there all passionately pouring out their praise. I had come expecting this and just enjoyed every minute. The Jesus Culture band plays wonderfully - but their hearts for Jesus are what shined brighter than the unified instruments. The whole time the speakers were dynamic and relevant, bringing fresh ideas. We all felt the presence of God moving among us during this time. As epic as it all was, I kept thinking about the days that follow a conference like this and how it was up to me daily to make the choice to follow Jesus in this same way.


I was especially impacted by one of the teaching sessions with Kim Walker, a worship leader. She simply told her testimony. Kim spent a few years not leading worship at all and during that time focused on loving Jesus with all she had. She said that she still was attending a school at Bethel Church and working, but any spare moment she had was an opportunity to connect more with the Lord. Her singular obsession was Jesus. Above all she guard this connection with His Spirit in every decision she makes. Later God slowly started opening up the doors for her to sing publicly... and now many many people are being ushered into the presence of God through her music. The title of her session was "Living a Lifestyle of Worship" which is exactly what I left desiring to explore more deeply on my own.

Personally, I was encouraged over all. God refreshed my weary heart and gave me lots of words and promises to lift me up. He has continued to add to my vision for future discipleship schools and give me new dreams.

Also, I needed a ride back to London. Someone in the conference pointed me in the direction of a guy named Nick who lived in London. I asked if I could ride with him and without hesitation he said yes. God provided again!

In general, I'm reminded of how we, as the body of Christ, should be like this naturally. So often we ignore the verses that say to take in the traveler or stranger in the name of fear or "what if...?" Most of my time I am that stranger in need. I was so blessed by the hospitality of Sarah, Davy, and Nick in Leicester. Throughout my year I can say there are many times that I encounter the love of Jesus in people that are willing to take me in as their own. I look so forward to someday having a home where I can extend the same generosity to others! Mi casa es su casa!

Evangelism. The scary E word.

God has been teaching me a lot about evangelism over the past few years. Today my conclusion is that it's simply being genuine in friendship and relationship without a 5 point process to selling Jesus. Just love people - in that they will encounter Jesus.

Every Friday night my school and I go into downtown Christchurch to practice the big "E" word. If you came across us in the city square you might see some playing football (soccer) with international students, others playing music and drawing a rhythm-loving crowd, some doing sidewalk chalk with kids, and dispersed throughout this scene are our students having conversations with whoever God brings across their path. No one has a "Roman road" laminated card in their pocket in case they need to reference how to lead someone to Jesus. It's love and kindness displayed in all sorts of creative ways.

Lots of questions are raised in this environment. Some are in regard to people being baffled at why a group of young people would simply want to hang out and care for others. Our own students often get into theological conversations that cause them to have to go back to the Bible and seek out answers to better understand their faith. Some people who don't believe in Jesus start to question their own views of God.

But what would you do in this scenario... Our group of fun-loving drummers are drawing a big crowd. The local Evangelist who has brought his loud speaker and "How to find Jesus" diagrams is also drawn to this group with the intent of converting some. As he knows we also are followers of Christ, he starts to find his way to the front and take center-stage hoping to launch into a sermon. In and throughout the crowd are YWAM students meeting people and engaging them in genuine conversation. If you are one of these drummers what do you do when the Evangelist asks to preach?

On the road again...

I've been encouraged to blog more, so here it goes...
An open road lies ahead of me. It's liberating yet still a little scary no matter how many times I do it. I departed the safe haven of Nashville this morning and flew to my childhood home of Denver. One of my favorite past-times is to be a tourist in my own hometown, so that was my mission today. The friend I'm staying with will not get off work until 5:30 and that left me with hours to explore. However, I did not get far with my huge backpack...

After taking the public bus to downtown I wondered a few blocks looking for the right coffee shop to retreat to until 5:30. As I walked I encountered various people asking for donations for this or that non-profit. Glimpes of my self reflected in storeshop windows revealed how silly I looked with my monsterous bag and I realized I was yet again homeless with my belongings on my back. Shuffling down Larimer Street I could see a good cafe, however there was another donation-asking guy standing between me and my goal. Even though my shoulders where whining under the weight of the pack, I listened with eye contact as the guy explained his predicament. He said he's selling a paper that helps raise awareness about homelessness and poverty and the proceeds of the sale ($1) go to help people like him that are struggleing and out of money. I tried to listen with an open heart not sure of what do to. After his speal, the question came, "Would you like to help me out?" And in my mix of fatigue and not sure how I could honestly be a help what came out of my mouth was a flat "no" and an attempt at saying I wish him the best of luck or something lame like that. As soon as the word left my mouth I felt like someone punched me in the stomache. The reality was, I lied to him. Everything in me wanted to help him. I live to help others now. It's my heart, it's God's heart. c o m p a s s i o n.

In my awkwardness I retreated into the shelter of the cafe and had time to think about the situation as I waited in line for coffee. I felt aweful. Sure you can't help everyone (I'd already turned down a few), but it's my heart's desire to help... somehow. I dug around in my bag and found a couple of snack bars and some money. Little hope-prayers went up that when I went outside he would still be there. Sure enough, he was.... I apologized for lying to him and explained that it truely is my desire to ... help. He gave me the paper in exchange for the money and snacks and smiled as he walked off. Although I felt a little better, I wish there was someway to do more sometimes, you know? My encounters with people are brief as I travel, but I do pray that that guy would come to know the greatest HOPE and source of LIFE in Jesus.

Writing to you from The Market on Larimer Square...

Life was easier before Poverty had a face

Poverty has a face. I've seen it and lived in and around it. She has hands and feet and an empty belly. He has a laugh and tears and lives under a bridge. These people have names and their faces flash through my mind on a regular basis.

When I was naive about the concept of Poverty, life was easier. I could spend my money without thought of others. I could live my life with seemingly no consequences to others. I could function in our modern society without feeling isolated and strange.

Now when I bring up the subject that pulses through my veins, I'm greeted by blank faces and defensiveness. If you want to throw a wet blanket on any situation talk about poverty. It's the conversation killer of all time. When I've asked God to break my heart for what breaks his, I had no idea how isolating it could feel. Now I'm plagued by actually caring. There are people out on this planet by the masses suffering and dying and I CARE. I haven't fully walked in their shoes (for those that have them) but I've sat next to them. Bandaged a few wounds. Prayed for their healing. Listened to their dreams.

In the mix of the holidays I am greeted by these flashbacks. I've been out THERE long enough now that the emotions and experiences have fully stuck. I can't escape the full reality of our brothers and sisters around the world under layers of comfort, entertainment, and ignorance.

Birth pains

Wait just a second... I think I'm having another 'ah ha!' moment. It's birth pains. All this craziness of the last 3 years and 3 loops around the earth combined with my current state of again asking 'who am I and where am I going?' are birth pains. Something good is coming of my little life, I can feel it. I've felt this season before. It's where I question everything, feel God is a little distant, and am not sure if I'm moving forward or simply running circles in my mind.

The most confusing part of my year is when my worlds collide. After I've spent so much time abroad, holding loosely to my own traditions and being flexible with those around me, I return to Nashville, Tennessee, and hit reverse culture shock. During my time away I've changed. People around me don't necessarily notice it right away and I myself don't know what subtle changes have taken place. Often it's years later that I can see the full impact that international experiences have had on my life.

In the meantime I'm left a bit dumb and mute. I have heart tremors that mix the deep desires to share my stories knowing full well that most people I talk to will never be able to relate. I'll watch a child in the States refuse to eat the many many things placed graciously before them by their over-accommodating parents while having flashbacks of malnourished, barely alive children in the slums of India. How do I cope with this?


Somewhere I linger in limbo my first few weeks of being home. The over-abundance of the USA slowly creeps back into my vein and again I feel fat, dumb, and happy. So many elements of our comfortable, convenient lifestyles threaten to make all those challenging moments I've had in dirty, impoverished areas of our earth disappear. For a while I hang between the two worlds seeing both of them clearly and not sure how they can actually co-exist. I try with desperation, not knowing what words to use, to stretch my arms between these extremes and somehow make them connect. How can I shake these first and third world nations to enter into relationships and enrich one another with their beautiful forms of wealth and resources? Their is an amazing exchange that can take place here. HOW to go about it is my current life question.

Sicily

Quality is a word that keeps coming to mind here in Sicily. It is as if the best characteristics of the French and the best characteristics of the Germans blended together and became Italy. You have the passion, romance, and moment-to-moment enjoyment of life blended with perfectionism, intelligence, and pursuit of the best in every arena. Everything is done well. Be it a pastry, playing World Cup football (soccer), or a pair sunglasses, the goal will be pursued till it reaches it’s best possible state.

Now I will be the first to admit that I’m biased here. This is my inaugural journey to the motherland – Sicily. In 1918 my great-grandfather arrived in the United States via a boat. Like thousands of other immigrants, he came with little to no money armed only with his trade. Baton Rouge, Louisiana, was his choice location to settle and open his tailoring business. I knew him in his later years. Spending time in my great-grandfather's tailor shop were precious moments to me. I never knew what to expect, but always looked forward to time with my Italian Paw-Paw. There was a deep sense of pride in every suit he made and hem he stitched. As I would stand on the wooden box in front of the mirror in his shop he would move around me with his measuring tape chatting in Italian and making me a beautiful imaginary dress.

Paw-Paw refused to retire. He would have died with needle and thread in hand at his shop if we had let him. Against his will at the age of 94 the family ‘took away’ his drivers license. That was no happy day for him. Soon after the doors of his tailor shop were closed and he begrudgingly spent his days at home. At the age of 97 he passed away and with him went the old world trade of tailoring.

As I travel Sicilia, meet the people, eat the food – I am gaining much insight into my great-grandfather and my Italian heritage. The passion for the best things in life ran true through his veins. Being here is also helping me make sense of my strange affection for olive oil, garlic, and every other Mediterranean food. I would like to blame my Sicilian roots for my endless search for outstanding food.

Despite the language barrier, I’ve never felt so at home in another country. The way of life here makes sense to me. The people, the places, and the pace of life are strangely familiar. Little things like the abundance of Vespas, or coffee made rich and strong sets me to giggling to myself. It’s like all of my favorite things in life are actually part of a functioning society wherein these people all appreciate the same things! (Granted this is from a completely humanistic point of view…)

I can’t help but sit back and savor the perfection of the cannoli, the breeze of the sea, or the style of the Italians passing by.

In the midst of this, I am faced with my own American identity. The flipping of my flops is the first giveaway. Even my posture is a bit different. Have you ever noticed that? Americans have a certain way of walking and simply standing. Now this might be my imagination, but it seems to me that in the States we are not as concerned with the perfection of your handbag or desire for more fine jewelry.

i have writer's block

...and this is my attempt to get over it. I haven't written to the general public in months, wish I had, and now don't know where to begin. More has been experienced in recent months than I can begin to tell. After traveling to 5 countries, major life lessons learned, still being in the mix of a school, and not knowing exactly where I'm off to next - I know I need to write, but where does one begin? ... Maybe writing about the current challenge of writing? :)

I do want to share... the beauty, the extremes, the world at large... it's all in my head and heart and needs to come out. There are many stories of how God's done amazing things during this time which should be told.

I sure hope this is the beginning.

At the moment though, it's getting late here in Jerusalem. I need to get to bed because my group departs at 7AM tomorrow for Capernaum, Mount of Beatitudes, and the Sea of Galilee. I am grateful for all these experiences, but I do look forward to the essential part of processing it when this school is completed. Stay tuned... more writing to come.

do not hinder your beauty

Some lessons I learn repeatedly. One of those is that each person was created to reveal God in certain ways that only they could. It's like God locked up his beauty in people and you can choose to see it or not to see it. A right alignment of vision is needed for this.

I again realize that it's in me too. The ways I was created to be and move should not be hindered. It's quite easy to get busy and crowd out the simple sweetness God's given us to enjoy each day. When I do 'stop to smell the roses' everything else has a way of working itself out -- and I'm joyful the whole way through.

God has beautiful revelations, messages of love, moments of peace, and hidden kindnesses for us every morning... please, don't let it be missed today!

heart. hurts.

ahhhhh my heart hurts. i love so many people. i know so many excellent, outstanding individuals around this planet and i don't know how to hold them all in my heart at the same time. sometimes i fear it may explode. and then i meet another person that's so beautiful and unique and revels God in ways that only they can and the growing pains come again.
as i serve and travel and seek God the world keeps moving. friends marry, have kids, get divorced, move, and i miss a lot of it. makes me miss the changing of seasons in one location. what was that like again? staying around long enough to see 4 seasons in a proper order?
plants are fascinating. you stick the seed in the ground and with water, sun, and soil it will grow s l o w l y. it may produce exotic flowers or delicious fruit, but it's worth waiting for. it can't be hurried along. a plant moves at it's own pace.
someday i want to tend a garden. fruits and vegetables will grow there. i will have planted those seeds with my own hands and then eventually nurtured those plants long enough to eat their fruit. what a grand dream.

need to blog

if i had a $1 for every time i think about writing on this thing...
anyway, i'm inspired by another friend's blog. there's so much in my heart i want to express to the world.
currently i'm back in limbo. caught somewhere between nashville and new zealand... yet i continue to discover we are all in transit no matter where on the planet we are. "you are today becoming what you will someday be" is my new favorite quote. it's true. you're in transition toward becoming _____. what are you becoming? a dad? a rocket scientist? a dolphin trainer? a president? an author? a world changer?
i have a dream. it's a dream that is crazy in modern-day language. it goes against all odds and fights against all hope. it's true, it's passionate, and it's ever moving forward even if i decide to forget about it. God's Kingdom on earth as it is in heaven. I want to see and live and eat and breath that. sometimes i feel that if i laid out the dreams of my heart people would look at me like i'm some sort of goofy disney character. i do believe there is beauty and love and hope even where it looks like none exsists. i want to be a part of that. i want to be a part of the impossible.

Every 3.6 seconds someone starves to death and 3/4 are children under the age of 5.

Nearly 1 billion people are illiterate; more than 1 billion people do not have access to safe water; some 840 million people go hungry or face food insecurity; about one-third of all children under five suffer from malnutrition.

Each year, millions of girls and boys are exploited — they are raped, forced into early marriage, enslaved in the global sex trade or used for bonded labor.

I don't want to just read about these things. I'm not going to die haven't thrown up my hands to these issues simply because the problems seem too big. "What difference can I really make?" A huge one. YOU can make a huge difference. You've heard it said, "the only thing it takes for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing." It's true.

What are you going to DO?

can't we all just get along?

love. we all agree we need it. we all agree we should give it. how about when someone is mean to you? if some is rude, lies, or manipulates you does that give right not loving that person?

Luke 6:
If you love only the people who love you, what praise should you get? Even sinners love the people who love them.

undeserved blessings

Who gave me this story? I don't deserve it. God's grace constantly amazes me. I would have never dreamed I could have done all that I've had opportunity to do and see... and yet God is always asking me to keep dreaming... He whispers "don't stop there - I have much more to show you!"

God gives us what we don't deserve all the time. I can't believe how lavish he is about it too. Just when you've had a wonderful day filled with friends, beauty, and Holy moments, God tops it all with real-time painting using the setting sun. I LOVE the Lord. No one is like Him. No one touches my heart like He does. No one forgives so quickly and lovingly. No one pursues my heart like He does. We serve a relentless God of love.

I've discovered a new passion. It's, well, basically... spreading passion. I love to ignite the passions of others to discover who they truely are in Christ.

And I love that my story begins and ends with God's hand at work in my life. Any tales I tell of far off lands or hearts made whole are all because of God's leading. Seriously, I couldn't have written a life story I would rather live out thus far. I'm not that creative!

My simple story is this: I was bored living my life for myself in Nashville. I took all those crazy passages seriously where Jesus says, 'don't worry about what you'll take with your or might need - follow me. Go where ever I send you.' Slowly, slowly I've let go of all the things I thought I needed to be happy and allowed God to show me true satisfaction found in him. And now... I follow Jesus. If he says 'stay.' I'll stay. If he says 'go', I'll go.